I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
