My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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