He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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