We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
