On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
