Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
