just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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