Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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