need another drink. this is the easiest way
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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