Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
