I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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