I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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