why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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