Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
