go do what you do best...puke behind churches
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
