I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
