Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
