Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
