Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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