She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
