you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I will be naked everywhere
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
