Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
