Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
