well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
