Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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