Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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