Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
there is glitter all over my balls
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
