It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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