I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
