last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
