shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
