I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
