i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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