I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
ok first of all what the fuck
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
