Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
