so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
