Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
