I want to have your abortion
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
