How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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