He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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