How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
