That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
