Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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