so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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