i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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