Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
false alarm, still single
Randomize
