That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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