she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
