i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
