The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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