Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
