If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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